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Hi there - Speaking from experience, and just for myself, my children were a part of *me*. And frankly, your children are not supposed to die before yourself, they are supposed to bury you, not the other way around. I have found that any time that things occur outside life's proper timeline it's hard to accept and to adjust to. Hope is and was unique. She was made up of yourself and your wife, and she was made out of love. Losing her was in reality like losing a part of yourself, and let's face it, she's the last physical connection you had with your wife. When she died, that connection was lost as well. I have had so many well meaning people tell me, "Oh Trinity it's been fifteen years, its time to let go, and move on, your daughters are in a better place" And every single time I hear that they are in a better place, I want to punch them square in the nose. So you grieve the way you need to grieve, not how you other think you should grieve. And if it takes you the rest of your natural life to grieve, then so be it. You are okay in my book. I am not sure if it helps or not, but me having photos of my daughters out and around for awhile helped. When I was ready, I put them away. Take care, Trin
from Trinity63
[email] [homepage]
0:43 am - Saturday,August 17, 2002
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I was gonna leave a long and thoughtful guestbook entry here, but that seems to be well covered, so I'll say this. Some wounds are meant to stay, like cuts into marble, forming sculpture.
from ken
[email] [homepage]
11:42 pm - Friday,August 16, 2002
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You loved your life, but Hope was half of you. I think losing her hurts so much still, because you lost part of yourself when she died. ~snugs~ As for rewriting history... not really. Just editing it a little. ;) I was contacted and interviewed by the personal technology editor of the St. Petersburg Times, and he said they'd publish the URL. So that means my family (and the professors at USF that I bitched about) will have access to my diary. I may be honest, but I'm also not stupid. :P
from RaeAnne
[email] [homepage]
7:25 pm - Friday,August 16, 2002
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I like my new layout too :)
It's good to see into your heart, W.
from Ducky
[email] [homepage]
6:23 pm - Friday,August 16, 2002
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Not discounting what your wife meant to you, but of course the death of your daughter is going to sting longer and in a much different way. You may have spent much more time with your wife and knew her better, but your daughter was so much more than that. She was part of *you*. She wasn't somebody else that you happened to meet and have some things in common with. She was only in this world in part by *you*. She was a little you and a little of your wife. A person with the makeup of her will never, ever again come along. She was the absolutely unique combination of genes that will never be seen on earth. She held a place in your heart that can only be held by a child of your own. That's why the pain you feel from her loss lingers. That's why it's not progressing at the same rate of the pain left from losing your wife. They were both centers in your life, but in very different ways. ... At least, that's how I would think of it, having a daughter of my own now. I love my husband dearly, but... Madeline occupies a different place in my heart, a different priority in my life.
from judy
[email] [homepage]
3:57 pm - Friday,August 16, 2002
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So ummm, could this dinner with marathon girl be considered a date???
from Libbyo
[email] [homepage]
4:46 pm - Thursday,August 15, 2002
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I read your entry today and as a side-note, if you and Marathon Girl work out and you open the map and it falls to Illinois: Go to Carbondale. It is so beautiful and peaceful there.... there are great hills for training and lots to do at SIU. There are houses and jobs, too!
from PRetty-grrl
[email] [homepage]
4:20 pm - Thursday,August 15, 2002
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Yep, I did survive, I haven't been able to update due to moving back into school...I'll be back soon!
from Christine
[email] [homepage]
2:06 pm - Thursday,August 15, 2002
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Ow! I hope you're okay.
from lifeblood
[email] [homepage]
2:14 pm - Wednesday,August 14, 2002
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I know two other people--one man, one woman, completely unrelated incidents--who were wonderful, loving parents of three children, then suddenly abandoned their families. It's a really strange pattern. It perplexes me.
from Alice
[email] [homepage]
8:30 am - Tuesday,August 13, 2002
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